Before FRIENDLY FIRE: Beautiful Family
5 Years Previous
Walt Disney World, Orlando FL
“You have a beautiful family.”
The pronouncement startles me, and I whirl around to see a silver-haired woman smiling at me. She’s gesturing towards the scene I am attempting to capture on video. A memory in the making. That of Mike, standing at the edge of the zebra enclosure with Lee in one arm and the other protectively wrapped around Sophie as she climbs up the fence to get a better look. All three of them are wearing ridiculous mouse ears and smiling in the bright Florida sunshine.
“Thank you.” I turn back, and as I watch the scene unfold, my chest tightens, knowing the image everyone sees can never be a reality.
“Look, Pop. There’s a baby,” Lee squeals happily, bouncing up and down, reminding me why I push aside my feelings. I am creating a family for my babies in any way I can. It may not be a traditional one, but all that matters is they are loved unconditionally and cared for.
I have asked myself countless times this week how Mike and I ended up on a family vacation to Disney World. It feels like an alternate universe.
The truth is, Mike had flown here to Florida to be with his parents. Last week his mother had collapsed and been admitted to the hospital. It turned out to be a case of severe dehydration, and she was soon back at home.
It is February, which means it’s cold and windy in Arlington, so Mike was happy to extend his stay for another week. The girls are on school vacation, so his parents invited us down for a visit. I had already taken time off, thinking we’d do a staycation, so I agreed. The girls had never been to Disney World, so it was an exciting surprise.
Sophie and Lee had met his parents several times before, during the six months out of the year they live near us, but this reunion has brought them closer. They now call Mike’s dad “Grand-Pop” and Mike’s mom “Nana.”
My ex’s parents were less involved in their lives than he was, and he split before Lee was born. My girls have never had two sets of grandparents, and they are soaking up the love and attention. Playing card games with Nana and learning to grill hot dogs with Grand-Pop. I’m convinced they’d be having a great time, even if we weren’t hitting up all the theme parks.
“Would you like me to take a picture of you?” The older woman asks, smiling brightly.
“Would you?”
“Of course, dear,” she says, holding out her hand for my phone.
“Mike,” I call out.
He twists his body to look back at me, his entire being exuding joy. The happiness it gives Mike to a part of my girls’ lives is another reason I torture myself.
Mike was made to be a father.
Anyone who sees him with children can see that. Even after 10 years of marriage, Mike says his wife isn’t ready yet. Are you ever really ready to be a parent? You’re still not entirely prepared for the tremendous responsibility even when you think you are. Or the chaos.
“This woman said they’d take a picture for us.”
“Okay,” He calls back and turns to help Sophie hop down.
Once I reach their side, Mike hands me Lee and effortlessly scoops up Sophie.
In my mind, I can see the picture already. Mike and I standing shoulder to shoulder, each holding one of my beaming daughters, their mouse ears eschew on their heads. The perfect family photograph.
“Smile,” the woman says brightly, and the girls scream loudly, “CHEESE!”
“I took a couple,” the woman says, handing me back the phone.
“Thank you so much,” I tell her, quickly flipping through the smiling photographs, favoriting the ones I will text our friends and family back home later.
“Where do my girls want to go next?” Mike asks, setting Sophie back onto the ground but quickly grabbing hold of her hand. We’ve already almost lost her twice, with her getting distracted and wandering off.
“I want to go on the dinosaur ride!” Sophie says, tugging on his arm.
“No,” Lee cries, grabbing my hand. “That’s too scary!”
“You’re such a baby,” Sophie whines.
“Sophie,” I snap.
“Why don’t you and I go on the ride, and your mom and Lee-Lee can recon where that delicious smelling popcorn is coming from,” Mike asks, stopping the argument with a compromise.
“We should get some for Nana, too,” Sophie says. “Maybe it’ll make her feel better.”
“I bet it would, darling,” Mike says.
“Next time we visit, she has to come with us,” Lee states emphatically. “She’d want to see the baby giraffes.”
“Totally,” Sophie agrees, nodding. “Momma, you’re taking pictures, right?”
“Yes, baby,” I laugh, thinking about the ridiculous number of pictures I’ve taken of the three of them today, not to mention the ones I’ve taken over the past few days. I have wonderful memories from my childhood, and this trip is about giving that to my girls. So far, I think I am succeeding.